It’s Time To (Road)Kill This Relationship

, , , | Romantic | July 23, 2017

(My ex is not known to be the sharpest tool in the shed. He once hit an elk because he thought it was a good idea to drive 75 mph to get away from the herd faster. This one evening, I finally figure out how he manages to hit so many animals:)

Me: *seeing a deer standing in the road ahead and realizing ex is not slowing down* “[Ex], there’s a deer in the road.”

Ex: “I’m going the speed limit!”

Me: “But the deer isn’t!”

Ex: “Well, what do you expect me to do? Stop?”

Me: “Yes, stopping would be preferable to hitting a deer!”

Ex: *stopping the car and pouting* “It’s illegal to stop in the road.”

Me: *mental facepalm* “I think it’s allowed when avoiding a collision with a large animal.”

(How I stuck with him for five years, I’ll never know.)

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  • Souless night

    “It’s illegal to stop in the road.” What…? Call the police people break it everyday!

  • I almost hit a deer once. I was driving down a twisty, small road with a jerk tailgating me the whole way. I knew it was an area with a lot of deer so I was cautiously driving the speed limit. Well sure enough there was a deer just standing in the middle of the road. I SLAMMED on my brakes, turned off my lights and waited for him to move.

    Suddenly the person behind me didn’t find it necessary to drive so close anymore…

  • Katrin Schirmer

    i’m kind of amazed your ex is still alive, honestly.

    • Max

      I live in an area with small deer and they can do a fair amount of damage to a car if you hit them. It’s not like hitting a pheasant.

      • Katrin Schirmer

        i know someone who has hit a deer once. i don’t remember what happened to the car. i think it was totaled. lets just make it simple math. large animal + car = bad. a large enough animal might land you in the morgue

        • tulip_poplar

          Yeah, I’ve seen the dents left by hitting deer. I’m particularly surprised that he survived the encounter with the elk.

          • Katrin Schirmer

            having seen pictures of the damage caused by things that big, i would amazed.

        • Laren Dowling

          My ex hit a deer. His car was probably going to be totaled just from the collision damage. Then the leaking gas caught on fire, and his car went up in flames. His laptop and research notes were in there. He learned a hard lesson that day about backing up data to the cloud when preparing your thesis.

      • Minflick

        I hit a big racoon crossing the road late at night several years ago. Unlit road, me going a tad over the limit. I slowed as much as I could, but I hit it anyway. Bent my skid plate… Racoon was dead in the road the next day.

      • Laren Dowling

        Utah deer are pretty big. Nothing like their smaller, East Coast cousins. So hitting one will often total a car, not to mention the risk to humans in the vehicle. This guy is an idiot.

  • Phil Adler

    Your ex does not deserve a license, or affordable insurance.

  • Kitty

    “It’s illegal to stop in the road.”
    Sadly, it’s not illegal to be as dumb as you are, ex. I’m walking home.

    • Mechwarrior

      Don’t walk near the road.

  • Laren Dowling

    It is not illegal to stop in the road. It is illegal to PARK in the road, or to stay stopped any longer than is needed to clear a safety hazard.
    Sincerely, someone in the same state as OP who has her CDL.

    • Vulpis

      If you’re driving something that needs a CDL…I think you’re more likely to make dear pate than the OP. 🙂

      • Thankfully in the commercial driver world, most deer strikes are just considered occupational hazards, and don’t reflect as badly on us. Might mess up the truck though.

        • Laren Dowling

          In my case, school bus. Yeah, the deer’s not going to do a lot of damage, but it’s still best to go slowly when driving in certain areas, especially after dark. Because even a minor accident isn’t worth it when you have 80 children on board.
          However, the reason I mentioned my CDL is because the written test for that is far more exhaustive than the one for a normal license. And my company tested us even further, because when you’re transporting children, you have can’t take risks.

          • Jennifer Smith

            Yeah, the CDL is more exhaustive. When my husband was going for his regular driver’s license, they gave him the CDL test by mistake, and only realized it when they saw that he barely didn’t pass and they checked on why. They then gave him the proper test, and he aced it.

          • Laren Dowling

            Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. And in addition to the base CDL test, I had to take additional tests to be certified for Air Brakes, School Buses, etc. It was exhaustive. But informative.

    • Blake Barrett

      I park the Regalia in the middle of the road all the time. I have to get a ticket.

      • Laren Dowling

        Ha ha.

  • Mechwarrior

    Wow, that’s some weapons-grade stupid there.

  • SicklyGiggler

    Would he have also kept going if there was a fallen tree or a stopped vehicle in the road???

    • Larry Berry

      That’s what I was thinking. There’s a turned over gas tanker. “It’s illegal to stop in the road….” *crash* *BOOM!*

  • Fenn

    How many times has he crashed before this I wonder.

  • “it’s illegal to stop in the road”

    So what are you supposed to do if you are, or someone in front of you is, making a left turn in a road without a turn lane and needs to yield to oncoming traffic…?

    Though I remember in my driver’s ed class, one of the videos said we were supposed to just hit animals in the road if there were cars behind you, to avoid causing an accident from the sudden stop. It had a young woman telling a (hopefully fake) story about how she was driving one time and there was an animal (a deer or a rabbit or something) in the road but because there were cars behind her she went ahead and ran right into it, and while she felt a little bad for hitting it, she was more glad to have done the “right thing” in not causing an accident. If the story was true, it sounded just a wee bit heartless.

    The teacher was on the video’s side, but I think most of the students agreed they would rather stop for an animal in the road than worry about maybe being hit from behind. And like, if drivers behind are paying attention and not tailgating you, they should be able to handle a sudden stop anyway.

    • Huck Perry

      So true! I’m shocked at how people are like “Animals on road? Oh well, just hit them! They should have known what roads are anyways”. Like… what if that was your pet dog, cat, or even horse that escaped??

      and… people should have known that the land the roads are on once was the animals’ home area

    • Leah

      “one of the videos said we were supposed to just hit animals in the road if there were cars behind you, to avoid causing an accident from the sudden stop”

      Sorry but if an accident is caused by someone running up the back of you because you’ve stopped, then THEY caused the accident, not you. This is precisely WHY drivers are meant to leave a safe following distance behind the next car. So that if the car in front has to quickly stop, you have time to stop without hitting them. I’m astonished how many people with a license STILL think it’s the responsibility of the person in front to prevent the person behind running up the back of them.

      Not to mention in many countries, the animals that might be on the road are large enough (eg. moose, elk, kangaroo, bears etc) that hitting one can be just as catastrophic as being hit by a car.

      • Asiyd

        I’m shocked this person survived simply hitting DEER…. I’ve seen a deer total someone’s car before and nearly fubar the person.

      • Elle Wayne

        This. There is a myth going around that rear-end collisions are always the fault of the driver who rear-ends the other. Not true. Now, if you’re tailing another car and they suddenly stop, you are at fault for not allowing proper distance. If you’re far behind another car and they stop, but both brake lights are out and you hit them, it’s their fault.

    • Darth Pseudonym

      Apropos of nothing, where did I leave my flyswatter?

      • I dunno, but I’m sure you’ll find it. Why do you need…hey!


    • Laren Dowling

      While yes, the person behind you *shouldn’t* be following that closely, if they are, and you slam on your brakes that hard, it doesn’t really matter whose fault it is. You’re still going to have an accident, and it’s still going to cause more damage and risk injury (or possibly death) to more people than just hitting the animal. Whiplash is far more serious than most people realize.
      Also, when you slam on the brakes before hitting it, your front end is dipped lower, which makes it more likely the deer will smash right through your windshield. If you don’t have enough time to stop fully, yes, slow down, but take your foot off the brakes before impact.

  • Leah

    “It’s illegal to stop in the road”? What does he do at red lights? Or at stop signs? Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows it’s fine to stop in the road if there’s a reason for it. Avoiding hitting an animal is a perfectly acceptable reason. Especially an animal large enough to do damage to your car.

    • Drew Jackson

      Or at crossings. Never mind it’s totally legit for people to cross there. It’s illegal for him to stop, so bye bye grandma! :-O

      • Katrin Schirmer

        oh and there goes some children too. oops. couldn’t stop. i’d say he plays too much GTA, but that’s all about breaking the rules, he’d be stopping all over the place in that.

  • I’d even go as far as to wonder if this ex ENJOYED hitting animals on the road

    If so that would make him a sociopath

    • Asiyd

      Yea his pouting when made to stop made me think he wanted to hit the deer.

  • Rachel Schmachel

    “Each case is considered on its own individual facts and the Court would look at reasonableness. Was it reasonable for the driver to perform an emergency stop? If it was unreasonable, then the driver of the vehicle performing the emergency stop could be at fault even if another vehicle drove into collision with the rear of his vehicle! This seems unfair as we cannot control the actions of drivers behind us and if adequate space is left then it could be argued that an accident could have been avoided. Clearly it is reasonable to perform an emergency stop if another person ran out into the road. Clearly it is reasonable to perform an emergency stop to avoid a collision, say for example if a car pulled out in front of you. However the Court may deem it unreasonable to perform an emergency stop for an animal.”

    • I’d wager that if you performed an emergency stop for an animal the court would still side with you. Usually you’d only be at fault if someone ran into the back of your car if you did something stupid (like reversed), contrary to indications (eg slowing for and indicating for a turn and not making it), or if your vehicle wasn’t showing correct indications (eg brake lights not working).

      If the person behind you is following so closely that they cannot react to you performing an emergency stop, then they are following dangerously closely regardless of the reason you performed the stop.

    • I think it would depend on the animal you were performing an emergency stop for. A rabbit or squirrel? Probably not a good idea. An elk, or even a large dog? Yeah, let’s not total the vehicle over that.

    • Asiyd

      I’ve never heard of a case being thrown out because the person stopped for an animal, and I’ve never heard of a case of someone losing after they were hit from behind. They teach here that you must give one car length for every 10 MPH you’re going.

      I really wish cops still enforced tailgating laws.

      • Laren Dowling

        A better way to measure is to count. For a normal sized car, you need at least two seconds between you and the car in front of you. So wait for them to pass something (a line in the pavement, a sign post, etc.) and then count one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi. If you haven’t passed that sign post yet, you’re following at a safe distance. If you did pass it, then slow down and find another marker to count with. Repeat until you’re at a safe distance.
        For a larger private vehicle, like a large SUV or pick-up truck, you need at least 3 seconds. RVs need 4-5 seconds, depending on their braking system. Really large vehicles – like dump trucks, semis, or buses – need 6 seconds, simply due to mass.
        So please, when you see a huge gap in front of a truck, DON’T think it means there’s room for you. And never, ever switch lanes in front of a truck/bus when approaching a stoplight. I nearly flattened a pick-up who did that; fortunately, there was enough of a shoulder that I was able to swerve and avoid turning him into a steel pancake, but a few kids on my bus were injured thanks to the sudden changes in momentum (hitting their faces on the seats in front of them. One girl got a black eye, and two boys got bloody noses).

        • Asiyd

          Yup, if you count out those seconds, you end up getting car lengths. This was taught in Driver’s Ed.

          • Laren Dowling

            But since some people aren’t as good at estimating distances, counting is more effective.

          • Asiyd

            Yup, exactly! I did indeed learn it in driver’s ed, but actually my Grandfather taught me that one at 6 years old. He turned it into a math game for me… I miss him. XD

          • Laren Dowling

            He sounds like a great guy. When learning is made fun, it sticks so much better.

    • Laren Dowling

      The reason for this law not being cut-and-dry is because there are scam artists out there who will swerve right in front of someone, and then immediately slam on the brakes. Because *you* rear-ended *them*, they get insurance payouts for their vehicle, their medical care, their “pain and suffering,” etc.
      Hence why “reasonableness” is important.

      • Asiyd

        According to the law in my state, you’re still legally liable if you rear end a scammer doing this… the logic is “you should have been paying closer attention.”

  • Rich

    Am I on a different planet? In what universe is it considered acceptable to intentionally run over and kill animals in the road? Besides the obvious taking of another life for no reason, does he have no sense of safety for his own vehicle? Who drives a car, sees an obstruction in the road, and thinks, ‘I should drive into that with my vehicle, that is certainly the best course of action’. Does he think this is Grand Theft Auto where cars don’t take damage? The cost of repairing should have some value to him! His insurance must be through the roof if he is this careless with a motor vehicle! Deer are not weightless, there is a physical force impacted upon your car when you hit one. Do physics not apply in his universe? And ‘it’s illegal to stop in the road’ ? What if it were a person? Would he have run them over too? The fact that you had to not only mention stopping as a possible option, but then explain why it is the preferable option, is completely incomprehensible! What kind of person is this? How does someone with this complete lack of awareness, of basic perception of their own environment, be allowed to exist let alone operate a two-ton motor vehicle that could be quite harmful if improperly used! Why is this person??????

    • Elle Wayne

      Not sure how true or verifiable it is, but I’ve heard that deer are the “deadliest” animals in the US because they’re involved in so many car accidents.

      • Pisces

        That is very true. However bucks in rut have been know to kill or maim hunters and does with very young fawns will attack anyone who gets too close to them

      • Rilka

        Here in Aus, even a little roo can completely ruin a car, let alone one of the 6ft + big males….

    • Zania Sovijarvi-Spape

      As for if there was a person in the road, I failed my first driving theory test. It consisted of a number of pictures, with questions like “in this situation, should I stop”. One of the pictures showed a person stepping in front of the car. My answer, “yes”. Correct answer: “no, there is no pedestrian crossing, you shouldn’t stop”. I knew what to answer the next time, so passed, but still no way I’m going to drive over someone just because they’re crossing where they shouldn’t! (And yes there were sections including stuff like “do not stop suddenly if you’ll cause a worse crash that way -the picture showed an empty road. Apparently they really just felt that proper penalty for jaywalking is maiming/ death by car).

      • tulip_poplar

        Are you kidding me?! Of course you should stop if a pedestrian crosses in front of you! Can’t believe they didn’t accept that as the right answer.

    • Pisces

      For small animals like squirrels and birds, you can slow down, but you can’t stop. For large animals like this, stop or maneuver around them. In few occasions it’s to slow down and run them over. That’s Delaware state law

      • Alvar Lind

        in sweden you can’t even slow down for an small animal, my friend when he was taking driving lessons got chewed out by the instructor once.

  • Asiyd

    …He pouted because you made him stop? I’m sorry but the first thing I thought was “he wanted to hit that deer.”

  • Actually, hitting that animal could result in a totaled vehicle. I’m from Wisconsin and it happens a lot.

    Yeah, I ask myself why I put up with my ex for five years. Mine wasn’t all that bright either.

  • cylon_toast

    I haven’t taken driver’s ed so I don’t know if this is true or it’s still the case but I’ve heard from multiple people that if there is an animal in the road to just keep going. They’ve always said they’d never follow that rule and I’m not sure if it’s for only small things like squirrels or what but that’s what I’ve heard. I’m in Quebec if it makes a difference.

    • tulip_poplar

      You definitely shouldn’t slam on your brakes on a crowded roadway for a squirrel or bird (if there’s no one behind you though, go for it). If you can, try to steer around it. Hitting a large animal like a deer is already likely to be a serious accident on its own so it’s worth the risk to try to stop (although if I were being tailgated at the time I might try to swerve around). I never like running over an animal (it’s happened twice I believe), but I will put my own safety over that of the animal when making the decision whether or not to stop.

  • Oh deer…

  • Pisces

    If the deer is just standing there, he could maneuver around it

  • Cathrope

    I’ve been lucky to never hit a deer, but I’ve had a few turn around as I start to drive again and ram me. Stupid animals. Nothing like getting back up to 30 MPH and see the deer make a U-turn and smack!