This Time Is Not Be-Nine

(A middle-aged couple comes to pick up their tickets at will-call. They move to the door to go in. It is locked, as doors are not open for another twenty minutes. They stare blankly at me through the window, as though expecting me to get up and let them in.)

Me: “Doors open at 8:00.”

Man: “Why? Why can’t we go in now?”

Me: “The doors don’t open until one hour before the show starts.”

Man: *appalled* “The show starts at nine?!“

Me: “That’s correct.”

Man: “How was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “It says the time right on your ticket.”

Man: *glances at ticket* “It doesn’t say the time on your website.”

Me: “Actually, it does.”

(The couple both stare blankly at me again. I take this to mean, “Prove it.” So, I look up the show on our website, turn my screen toward them, and point right to where it says the time of doors opening and the time of the show.)

Man: *handing the tickets back through the window* “Give the tickets to someone else.”

(They both walked off.)