Time For You To Go-gurt

, , , , , , | Working | February 28, 2018

(I work at a large retail and grocery store. One day, our entire refrigeration unit breaks down completely and the whole store’s stock of refrigerated and frozen items has to be thrown away. I’m outside all day — a very warm day at that — by a dumpster with several coworkers and a manager, processing and disposing of the spoiled items. Later that night, it’s just myself and the manager left, when a car pulls up to the dumpster. One of the coworkers that had been with us earlier gets out of the car and hops in the dumpster.)

Coworker: “I think I dropped my keys in in here earlier.”

(My manager and I watch the coworker as he piles several large containers of yogurt on the side of the dumpster. Another person jumps out of the car and grabs the yogurt.)

Manager #1: “[Coworker], what are you doing?”

Coworker: “My keys are in there; don’t worry about it.”

([Coworker] gets in the truck and drives off as [Manager #1] and I stare at each other in disbelief.)

Manager #1: *over the radio* “Uh… Hey, [Manager #2], can you come outside to the disposal area, please?”

([Manager #2] arrives and we explain the situation to her.)

Manager #2: “Wait, he was stealing yogurt that had certainly gone bad and you didn’t stop him?”

Manager #1: “We’re not asset protection. Policy doesn’t allow us to intervene, only observe and report; you know this.”

Manager #2: *sigh* “Yes, you’re right. Let me go get [Coworker]’s number and I’ll call him.

(Later, [Manager #2] tells me the phone conversation went as follows.)

Manager #2: “So, my associates are telling me that you took yogurt out of the dumpster earlier tonight. Is that true?”

Coworker: “Well, yeah, you had already thrown it out, anyway. My dad wanted some, and I figured it was okay.”

Manager #2: “What the heck are you thinking?! First off, throw that yogurt out. It sat outside all day on a warm day; there’s no way it’s anywhere close to edible. You’re going to make your father very sick!”

Coworker: “Oh… Really?”

Manager #2: “Yes, really! Secondly, until the product has been removed from the property by the proper disposal services, it’s still technically theft. By policy, I have no choice but to treat it as such.”

Coworker: “Um… Do I still have a job?”

Manager #2: “Probably not. Honestly, I don’t even know if I can even let you back in the building at this point.”

Coworker: “Aw, man.”

(Unsurprisingly, [Coworker] was fired the next day upon showing up for his shift. The story quickly spread around the store, and a few of us joked for a while about hoping to find car keys hidden away in cups of yogurt.)

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