Tiles And Cats And Ants, Oh My

(My boyfriend and I are moving out of our trailer, and the landlord comes with us to inspect it before we get our deposit back. From the start, we realize he is going to be difficult with us.)

Landlord: “Why is the bathroom door crooked? And part of a tile is missing from the floor!”

Me: “The bathroom door was put on by the maintenance guy; we haven’t tried moving it. And the tile was missing when we moved in. It should be marked somewhere.”

Landlord: “Well… there’s cat hair all over the carpet! You didn’t even pay a pet deposit!”

Boyfriend: “…because we don’t own a cat? I don’t see any hair on the carpet.”

Landlord: “There’s ants everywhere!”

(There is a well-known ant problem in the trailer park, which management refuses to fix.)

Boyfriend: “It’s the same for all of the other trailers here…”

Landlord: “Ugh, fine, it’s good enough. I’ll get your d*** deposit.”

(We got it back in full.)