Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

(I have just stepped off a cruise ship and am heading into the main street when I pass a market stall with lots of shoes. I swipe a fleeting glance at them.)

Owner: “Ah, pretty lady looking at the pretty shoes!”

Me: “I’m just looking.”

(I carry on walking past when he grabs my arm. He sees the disdainful look I give him and he lets go.)

Owner: “These shoes are beautiful! They will look beautiful on your beautiful feet!”

(He creeps me out, but I need another pair of shoes and, in his defense, they weren’t terrible.)

Owner: “You are English? No?”

Me: “Yes. I am English.”

Owner: “Beautiful English rose! For I do you special deal. Okay?”

Me: “Okay. How much?”

Owner: “You are so beautiful. Only the best leather for you!”

(He peels back the thinnest leather I have ever seen. The stitching on the shoe isn’t even straight. It’s drastically warped and very noticeable. I decide to hear him out all the same, but I am getting annoyed.”

Me: “So, how much?”

Owner: “For you pretty lady, today is your lucky day! They are half price! I do you special deal. Just for you I will take more off! $150!”

Me: “I don’t think so! Why are you charging so much?”

(The owner looks insulted and then laughs at me snidely.)

Owner: “You have no style! These are Gucci!”

(The owner defiantly points to the Gucci label on the sole.)

Me: “If they are real Gucci, why is Gucci spelt wrong?”

(The owner throws the shoe to the floor in anger and tells me in very colourful language to go away and that I am an ugly English girl!)