A Three-Rubel Bill

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2018

(My coworker and I are working a Saturday morning shift and are the only two people on duty. During a slow time, a customer we both recognize and dread walks in. He has been in here before and is known for bizarre and rude behavior. He also frequently rides the local bus system and harasses other passengers. Needless to say, we are not happy to see him. As he barks out an order for coffee, he makes small talk that gets more wild as it goes on. Note: my coworker is still in high school, and is taking AP Spanish.)

Coworker: “That’ll be two dollars for the coffee.”

Customer: “You take two-dollar bills?”

Coworker: “Yep, we do.”

Customer: *taking two one-dollar bills from his wallet* “You take three-dollar bills?”

Coworker: “I don’t think so, no.”

Me: “I don’t think there is such a thing as a three-dollar bill.”

Customer: “Well, there is. I used to work for the Philadelphia Mint. I know all about all kinds of money.”

Coworker: “Really? That’s interesting.”

Customer: “Yeah. I worked for the CIA, too. And at the Hague. And in Russia. I can speak all kinds of languages.”

Coworker: “You don’t say.”

Customer: “I speak Russian.” *fires off a rapid sequence of words that sounds vaguely Slavic* “You speak Russian?”

Coworker: “I don’t, no.”

Customer: *narrows eyes and speaks fiercely* “That’s because your parents didn’t paddle you when you were a child!”

(He takes his coffee and leaves abruptly, while my coworker and I are left amazed.)

Me: “Uh. Did you get paddled as a child?”

Coworker: “Nope, not really. I got punished in other ways.”

Me: “Well, that must be why you speak Spanish.”

(We still laugh about this weird guy and his startling method of learning Russian!)

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