Those Texts Are Coming Out Thick And Fast

(My friend sends me several messages in the night while I’m sleeping. In the morning I look through them.)

Friend: “I’m like a bumblebee. I have a sting that will leave you aching for hours, and my nectar is sweet.”

Friend: “I’m like Michelangelo’s David, buff and hard.”

Friend: “I want to be inside of you, cuddling into your neck and exploding.”

Friend: “Oh, f***! Sorry, these were meant for [Mutual Male Friend with similar name].”

Me: “So… did you just come out to me?”

Friend: “F***!”