Those Might Not Fit

(I work at a general convenience store where, on occasion, it can be quite noisy; the doors open to the street, so we have the sound of traffic coming past, and a slush machine is right next to the counter, so the whirring from that can also be a slight distraction now and again. I haven’t long been at the store — a matter of weeks — when one Sunday afternoon two gentlemen come in.)

Customer: *approaching the counter, in a rushed tone* “Tampax.”

(I am thinking, “Okay… He’s a modern gent, out shopping for intimate items for his wife or partner… but it is quite noisy in here, so I’ll just double check that is what he said.”)

Me: “You are looking for Tampax, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I direct him to where the said items are in the shop. A few minutes later, after scanning the shelves, he comes back to me and says that he can’t find them. Alarm bells are starting to tinkle gently in my mind, so again I ask:)

Me: “What is it again you are looking for, please?”

Customer: *again the hurried reply*  “Tampax.”

(I come out from behind the counter and point at said items. He takes one look, and he and his friend burst into laughter. By now, I’m very confused.)

Customer: *looks at me and, wiping tears of laughter, says* “No, dear… not T… er… those. I am looking for TENT PEGS!”

(Don’t you just wish the floor would open you up and swallow you at these moments?)