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Those Luck-Stealing Chemicals Must Have Got To His Brain

, , , | Right | April 16, 2019

(I’m working housekeeping in a casino. This mostly means cleaning ashtrays, spills, and bathrooms. We have carts we push around with some sprays and wet rags to use. I’m coming up to a bank of machines when a guest spots me and comes to cut me off.)

Guest: “Excuse me. I would appreciate it if you kept about 100 feet from my bank.”

(I’m used to guests asking me not to clean because I might “wipe off the good luck,” but just keeping away from the bank is a new one. I try my best to sound courteous and professional, but I think my confusion creeps into my voice.)

Me: “Oh. Okay, sir.”

Guest: “I know you buy your luck-stealing chemicals from the Illuminati and I get it! I understand it’s how you guys keep in business. I’m happy to keep quiet about it; I just want you to keep them away from my bank.”

(I’m smiling now, barely keeping myself from laughing, but he doesn’t seem to realize I think he’s a little “off.”)

Me: “Ah, I see. Well, we thank you for your discretion, sir! I’ll be sure to let the other housekeepers know.”

(I took my cart maybe twenty feet around his bank of machines and he grinned huge, happy to know that none of our “luck-stealing chemicals” would be anywhere near him. I let everyone else on shift know, both housekeepers and security. We all had a good laugh about it.)