This Tail Has A Sad Ending

(The first person our customers interact with when entering our store is a cashier. Some cashiers are trained for dealing with the animals we sell and some are not.)

Lady: *to my coworker* “I just bought this hamster two days ago and it’s dead! I called your manager and I want my money back for all of this!” *shows cage, food, etc.*

Coworker: “We can help you with that. You’ll just need to go over there where you see the fish, and talk to one of our pet care associates first. After that we can do the refund at the register.”

Lady: “Why should I go all the way over there? I’ve got the dead thing right here!”

Me: *taking over for my coworker as I am also trained for pet care* “Ma’am, only pet care associates can handle your pet now. We are not allowed to handle it unless we have the training to do so. May I see your receipt?”

Lady: “Fine!”

(I examine the receipt and notice she bought a gerbil, not a hamster. I also note the water bottle has been installed upside down.)

Me: “Ma’am, I see you bought a gerbil. Is that correct?”

Lady: “No, I got a hamster. He’s right here! See?”

Me: “Ah, okay. Well, this is a gerbil; notice the tail? So we can refund you the price for a gerbil and the equipment.”

Lady: “Your manager said you’d refund me for a hamster! That’s what I want!”

Me: “I completely understand your frustration, it can be rather confusing, but you purchased a gerbil. This animal right here has a long tail, which means she is a gerbil.”

Lady: “She?

Me: “Yes, ma’am. All of our animals are female.”

Lady: “Well, now I’m glad he’s dead.”

Me: *losing my patience* “We can process your refund and I’ll take this over to pet care for you. And for future reference, the water bottle is upside down. Your gerbil died from lack of water.”

(I return to my coworker after I’ve handled to poor dead gerbil.)

Coworker: “It’s a hamster. It’s a gerbil. It’s a jamster! I bet it likes skrillex.” *does some crazy techno moves while mimicking dub step music* “What a rare breed!”

Me: “It’s extinct now. Unfortunately Darwinism was not really at play here; it got the wrong species.”