This Story Took A Turn At The Flying Chicken…

This story requires a little bit of back story. Here in Hawaii, we are required to pay vehicle registration as well as a safety check, but our laws are worded abhorrently badly. In order to get a safety check you need a registration but to get a registration you need a valid safety check.

If both documents are expired you need to go to a safety check station and fail for not having a registration, bring that paperwork to Satellite City Hall to get your registration then go back to the safety check place to pass with your new registration.

A few years ago, the Hawaii Department of Transportation put self-pay kiosks in a chain of grocery stores around Oahu and, for a few years, these kiosks wouldn’t care if your safety was expired and would issue a registration as long as you paid for it. Sadly, this issue was finally fixed in 2023. 

This evening before coming to work I stopped at one of these grocery stores in pursuit of some food for myself and a coworker who had his shift extended unexpectedly by someone calling out sick. Suddenly, the pristine grocery store’s quiet and low music from 92.3 KSSK was drowned out by absolute screeching.

As it would turn out there was a woman in her fifties who was attempting to use the kiosk, but her safety check had expired over five years ago, and she had been abusing the kiosk loophole. For some reason even though these kiosks could not speak she was yelling at them as if she could convince them to change their minds, screaming insults at them and jamming the screen with her finger. 

Then a child walked up to her.

Woman: “I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Child: “Ma’am, it can’t hear you; it’s a computer.”

Woman: “BULL-S*** I KNOW THEY CAN HEAR ME!”

Child: “I don’t think it can.”

Woman: “Who the h*** are you, even?! Go talk to your own parents!”

Child: “They aren’t here, they trust me to go to the store by myself. Where are your parents?”

Woman: “Child I am sixty f****** years old!”

Child: “Hmm, maybe you should act like it then?”

Dead silence.

My cashier had to turn away from me to hide her laughter, continuing to press the “call a manager” button on her till as she had been doing the whole time.

Woman: “What the h*** did you just say to me!?”

Child: “I think you need your parents to take you to the store until you learn how to behave.”

My cashier is now hammering on the button with her fist and, as if by magic the store manager materialized next to her.

Manager: *Stopping her hand.* “What?

The cashier pointed at the scene.

Woman: “Child you better f*** off I swear to God.”

Manager: “Oh s***.”

The manager hustled over to the area the kiosk was in and wordlessly steered the child away from the scene.

Manager: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “Your employee just insulted me.” *She literally points at the child.*

Manager: “My what?”

Child: “D***, she stupid too.”

The woman grabs a bagged rotisserie chicken from her cart and wings it at the child, the manager catches it one-handed with zero effort and a flat expression like an anime character.

Manager: “It’s time for you to leave, ma’am.”

Woman: “I’m not going anywhere until you override this machine and let me pay my registration!”

Manager: “Ma’am, that machine is owned by the City and County of Honolulu and the Department of Transportation, not [Store]. I can’t override the machine.”

Woman: “BULL-S***!”

The manager walked over and placed the chicken back in her cart. Unfortunately, whatever was said next I will never know as the manager leaned in to speak to her, but she turned as white as a sheet.

Woman: “I understand I… I am so sorry. I… I’ll leave.”

Manager: “Very good! And?”

Woman: *To the child.* “I am sorry for swearing at you.”

Manager: *Nods.* “And?”

The woman turned to the register area and addressed us at large:

Woman: “I apologize to everyone for my behavior.”

The manager nodded slowly.

Manager: Very good, now please leave the store.”

The woman nodded and left with her wagon, but unfortunately was intercepted by HPD just outside.

As I finally left the woman had been sat on the curb by the officers who were talking to a small crowd of people who had seen the event take place. 

Not sure what happened from there but, man, all I wanted was some food.