This Story Is Rated “18”

(I work in a small cinema in Bristol. Due to the release of a new horror movie, lots of people have been coming to watch it. I’ve just dealt with a large group when a girl who seems about twelve comes in, wearing a ton of blusher, deep red lipstick, and messy eyeliner.)

Me: “Oh, hello!” *smiles* “Can I ask what you are seeing today?”

Girl: “Oh, hi there! My girlfriends and I just had frozen yogurt and were bored. I think I’ll see… uh…” *pretends to make a big deal out of this* “Maybe… [Horror Movie]!”

Me: “Well, good choice, but can I see your ID, please?”

Girl: “Uh, what?”

Me: “Well, you must’ve realized that this film is rated eighteen and over, right?”

Girl: “Well, uh, I am eighteen!”

Me: “Sorry, kid, you have to be eighteen to watch this. Maybe you want to watch [Other PG Movies]?”

Girl: “NO! THOSE SUCK!”

(She screams and kicks a popcorn machine in the back of the cinema, and then, when she presses something, popcorn pours out all over the floor.)

Me: “If you don’t leave now, I’m going to call your parents.”

Girl: “F*** you!”

(She runs out, and for a moment it completely silent, and then her mother storms in with her child.)

Girl: “She won’t let me see [Movie]!”

Mother: *glares at me* “Why not?”

Me: “Ma’am, your child has destroyed our popcorn, verbally abused me, and faked her age. All I asked was for her ID, and when she failed to produce that, I gave her other options.”

Mother: “Really? Well, come along now, [Girl]. You’re grounded! Say sorry to the nice lady… now!”

Girl: “I’m sorry…”

(As they walked out, I hear the girl saying, “You stupid b****!” I didn’t mind, though, when the popcorn was restocked and cleared up, and the manager gave me and every other worker in the cinema a free bag of popcorn. I was the most popular person in the cinema! Also, the girl and her mother never came back — double win!)

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