This Situation Will Just Snake Along, Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2020

The aquarium I volunteer at will occasionally bring live animals out on the floor for people to touch and learn about. This lovely bit of almost-dialogue happens while I am wearing/holding my favorite snake, a four-and-a-half-foot, almost forty-pound Dumeril’s Boa named Mav.

Dude:Whoa! Snake! I love snakes!”

Me: “Want to pet him? He’s a D—”

Dude: “She’s a reticulated python, yeah?”

He begins petting the snake backward, against the grain of his scales. This tends to have the same effect as petting a cat backward.

Me: “No, he is a B—”

Dude: “Baby Burmese python, yeah. The blue eyes are cool. Really rare.”

He is still petting backward.

Me: “Um, no. They just look blue because he’s going to shed soon, and he’s actually an adult B—”

Dude:Ball python, right! Right, ri—”

Me: “HE. IS. A. BOA.”

The dude just blinks.

Me: “He’s a Dumeril’s Boa. They live in Madagascar.”

Dude: “Wait, like, a boaconstrictor?”

He says, “Boa constrictor,” quickly, as one word.

Me: “It’s just ‘boa’. The ‘constrictor’ part is redundant. All boas, pythons, and most other non-venomous snakes are constri—”

Dude: *Yelling* “HEY, [FRIEND], COME CHECK OUT THIS BOACONSTRICTOR!”

If Mav had hands, even HE would have facepalmed.

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This Situation Will Just Snake Along

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