This Service Is Pants

(My extended family is at one of its regular get-togethers at a local restaurant. My mother has noticed me being antsy all evening, acting as though I want to say something. I’m about three, with good reading comprehension for my age.)

Mom: “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

Me: “I… I’m not… Nothing.”

Mom: “Can you tell me quietly?”

Me: *whispering* “Mommy, don’t be mad, but I’m not wearing any underwear. But, we won’t get in trouble, because the sign didn’t say ‘No Panties, No Service’!”