This Scam Is Not At Diamond Strength

(I work at a thrift store. A lady pulls up and gives me a box full of miscellaneous housewares. Basically, it looks like there are a bazillion little things in this box.)

Me: “Thanks for thinking of us!”

(I’m trying to smile with a professional expression, but I am not looking forward to going through what looks like tiny trash items and a few small pieces of Tupperware.)

Lady: “Oh, and I’d like a receipt, too.”

(Luckily for me, we don’t list small things individually, so I can literally hand her a piece of paper that says, “one box of small housewares,” and initial it, so that’s what I start to do.)

Lady: “Oh, yeah, and I’m donating a diamond ring, too. Could you add that to the list?”

(Red flag alert!)

Me: *huge retail grin* “Really?! That’s awesome! Let’s see it!”

(I pretend to dig through the rubbish, watching out of the corner of my eye as this lady’s face falters.)

Lady: *stuttering a bit* “Er, it’s, uh, in… in the box. Look, I need to go somewhere, so can you add it to my receipt and look later?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I need to have something that valuable physically in my hands before I can add it to my receipt.”

Lady: *nervously* “Uh, let me see if I can…”

(She digs halfheartedly for two seconds, then gives up.)

Lady: “Uh, maybe I forgot to bring it. I’ll have to bring it in next time…”

Me: *retail grin widens* “Sounds great, ma’am. So, one box of miscellaneous minor housewares.” *puts my initials on it* “Here’s your copy. I keep the master; you get the yellow duplicate.”

(This is so if she writes it on her copy, it’s obviously fraudulent. She left, obviously disappointed that her plan failed so spectacularly.)