This Scam Died

(While I used to live with my parents, they moved away a couple of years ago. My husband and I remain in the house. The phone rings, and the caller ID shows a local number. I answer on the off chance it isn’t a scammer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hi, this is [Scammer] calling from Medicare.”

Me: “No one here qualifies for Medicare.”

Scammer: “Oh, no, no, no. I’m calling for [Mother]!”

(This is still fairly common, even though it’s been almost three years since my mother has lived here. However, my mother doesn’t qualify for Medicare yet, either. I throw out the line that usually ends these spam calls.)

Me: “She no longer lives here.”

Scammer: *yelling* “You mean she died?!”

Me: “Uh, no. She moved. Like, to a different place?”

Scammer: “Oh! Yes, that’s right!”

Me: “Yeah, so this is the wrong—“

Scammer: “I’m good friends with her!”

(I’m shocked at how far from normal this is, and frankly, more than a bit amused. I decide to humor the guy a bit.)

Me: “Oh, you are?”

Scammer: “Yes, we’ve been friends for fifteen years. I was just pranking you.”

Me: “Is that so?”

Scammer: “I knew she wasn’t dead. It was a prank when I asked you if she died.”

Me: “Well, that’s… different.”

Scammer: “Yes, we are very, very close friends.”

Me: “Good, that’s nice to hear.”

Scammer: “Sooo… do you have her new number?”

Me: “Nope!”

Scammer: “Oh. Well, bye!”

(I texted my mom to let her know that her very good friend [Scammer] from Medicare called to check on her. She didn’t find it as amusing as I did.)