This Saying Is Not A Keeper

(My mother never, ever says anything besides the following when asked if she’s seen something.)

Stepdad: “Honey where are my keys?”

Mother: “I don’t know. I’m your wife, not your keeper.”

Brother: “Mom, have you seen the TV remote?”

Mother: “I’m your mother, not your keeper.”

Me: “Why do you keep saying that? It’s annoying.”

Mother: “Because it’s true.”

(Later in the day.)

Mother: “Have you seen-”

Me: *without missing a beat* “I’m your daughter, not your keeper.”

(Pause.)

Mother: “Wow. That is annoying.”