This Restaurant’s Service Is Strictly Squid Pro Quo

(My family is getting together to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday. I am about eight years old. My uncle has just called and told us he is running late, and we should just order some appetizers until he gets there. Even though I am young, I love calamari and have had it many times. The waitress comes out and goes around the table asking what people want for appetizers.)

Waitress: “Is there anything you would like, sweetie?”

Mom: “She would like an order of the calamari off the regular menu.”

(The waitress gives me a patronizing look.)

Waitress: “Do you understand what that is hun? I don’t think you’d like it very much.”

Me: “It’s my favorite.”

Mom: “Really, it is. She’s had it a bunch of times and she loves it.”

Waitress: *talking to me again* “Well, just so you know, it’s lightly breaded and fried squid.”

Mom: “She knows what it is. It’s her favorite. Please just add it to the order.”

Waitress: “Ooookay.”

(The waitress leaves and comes back a short while later and serves us. The calamari has not been cooked properly, and has the consistency of rubber bands. I don’t eat more than a bite or two. The waitress returns.)

Waitress: “How are we doing over here? Are we going to wait a little longer to order?” *she looks at my hardly touched food* “What’s wrong? You didn’t care for it?”

Mom: “I think it was a little overcooked. It had a very rubbery texture to it.”

Waitress: “I’ll just get this out of your way. It’s alright, not many children care for this kind of food. You should be proud of yourself for trying new things!”

(At this moment, my uncle finally arrives. He overhears the conversation and sees what’s taking place.)

Uncle: “Huh, that’s odd. I’ve never seen you turn down calamari, [my name].”

Waitress: *shocked* “You mean she’s had this before?”

(Everyone at the table rolls their eyes.)