This Lie Has A Date Of Death

I work as an usher for a large chain cinema. Any horror film rated age fifteen is like a magnet to kids who often get people to buy them tickets and are shocked when they are ID’ed by an usher. Another issue is that kids that age are too young for driver’s licences and often genuinely don’t have any ID. I find that asking for their date of birth is surprisingly effective in weeding out people who are genuinely underage.

A group of about six fairly young-looking boys and girls line up to get their tickets torn, and surprisingly, some have ID showing that they are actually fifteen. I have this conversation with one of the girls.

Me: “Hi, can I see your ID, please?”

Girl: “Oh, hi! I don’t actually have any ID, but I’m fifteen today; we’re out for my birthday.”

Me: “Oh, hey, that’s great. Happy birthday. What’s your date of birth?”

Girl: “Uh, ummm… it’s today’s date and the year is… ummm…”

Her Friend: “Just take fifteen away from today’s date!”

Me: “Look, I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure you can appreciate that this isn’t exactly convincing, can’t you? If you return to the lobby, they’ll be happy to exchange your tickets for any film rated under fifteen or refund you if you prefer.”

The group walks off looking a bit dejected. I phone the lobby to explain what happened. About fifteen minutes later, the group reappears and the girl stands at the end of the hall and glares at me before declaring:

Girl: “I don’t like you! You’re not very nice! I hate you!”

Then, she turned around and stomped off.