This Is Why They Say, “Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be”

My father has read a certain trilogy of thriller books and insists I must read them, too. I’m not a fan of the genre, but he is very insistent. A few months later…

Father: “When are you going to return those books? I want to lend them to my brother.”

Me: “I think I returned them to you already?”

Father: “No, you didn’t, so give them back.”

Easier said than done. My house is a hoarder’s dream or a nightmare. Books travel through it all the time, to and from charities, flea markets, libraries, remainders, and whatnot. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t give away a lent book, but sometimes the brown stuff happens. After weeks of searches, I give up and buy new copies.

Me: “Here are your books, Dad.”

Father: “Why did you buy new ones?”

Me: “Well, first, because you taught me manners. I lost something of yours and I’m replacing it. And second, frankly, I was getting tired of you nagging me because [Uncle] was being left out of a mind-blowing literary experience.”

Father: “Nonsense! You shouldn’t have. You must be out of your mind. And [Uncle] does not need them so badly anyway.”

Me: “Right, Dad. Can you please give these to [Uncle], and we can all move on?”

Sadly, we don’t. I just swap from being belittled for being untidy and a bad borrower — in spite of the fact that my father forced the books on me — to being belittled as touchy and careless with my money… until a few days ago, when my mother puts two banknotes in my hand.

Mother: “These should cover the expense for your books. I was tidying up your father’s wardrobe and found his copies under the bedsheets.”

I’m thankful that the nagging has ceased at last, since now they’re too embarrassed to mention the issue!