There Will Be No Kiss And Make Up

(I have recently met a really cute guy who works at coffee shop, and we’ve struck up a friendly relationship. It is just before our first date. He has never seen me without makeup. The only difference between what I’m wearing for our date, and what I wear daily is a little red lipstick and a little more eyeliner than usual.)

My Date: “Ew… Why are you wearing so much makeup?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

My Date: “I really liked you because you never wore makeup like those other s**** who try to get my attention.”

Me: “I always wear makeup. You’ve literally never seen me without it on.”

My Date: “Don’t lie, you b****. I know you don’t wear makeup. You just need to stop pretending if you ever want my d***. I know you’re really a natural beauty, just like Kim Kardashian.”

Me: “Yeah, I just realized I need to wash my hair. Maybe we can go out some other time.”

(The next time I go to the coffee shop, I make a point to actually not wear make up.)

My Date: “I know you made yourself look bad on purpose, but I’ll take you back.”