This Is Not Smoothie Sailing

(I work in a popular ice cream shop in Boston, and one of our rules is that if we accidentally break a waffle cone while scooping ice cream into it, we must offer the customer the cone for free, or remake it. If they decide to keep it, we tell them to let the person at the register know so they don’t charge them for the cone. On this day, a particularly irate customer is yelling at a coworker, when the coworker asks me to help.) 

Customer: “My girlfriend’s cone broke! Get us another one! It’s leaking everywhere!”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry about that sir. Did she break it, or did the person scooping it break it?”

Customer: “I don’t know! That dumb b**** probably broke it!” *points at another coworker who had nothing to do with them*

Coworker: “Well, I can get you another cone, but if I do, you’ll have to pay for it.”

Customer: “WHAT? WHY?”

Me: “Sir, if we broke your cone, we would have given it to you for free. If you broke your cone, we’re not responsible for that, but we’re happy to make you another ice cream. You got a waffle cone, and that costs extra money.”

Customer: “FINE. Whatever! Just make a new one!”

(My coworker takes the melting ice cream, tosses it into the trash can, and starts to make a new one. The customer, seeing this, goes berserk.) 

Customer: “What the f*** are you doing?!”

Me: “Sir, he threw away your broken and melting ice cream to make you a new one, like you asked us to…”

Customer: “BUT I COULD’VE KEPT THAT!”

Me: “Yes, but you would have had to keep the broken cone then, too.”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS ARE ALL F****** IDIOTS! GET ME A SMOOTHIE, INSTEAD!”

Me: “Um, you want a smoothie, instead of the cone? We can’t do that, sir; they’re not the same price. I can make you a smoothie and a new cone, but not substitute one for the other.”

Customer: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

(At this point, my manager came over and gave him a smoothie and a new ice cream for free, just to get his crazy a** out the door!)