This Is Not A (Bena)Drill

(I’ve got a weird sort of insomnia; about once or twice a year I’ll go several nights barely sleeping, then suddenly crash out before the sun goes down and ‘catch up’ whether I want to or not. I’m in the middle of one of these bouts when I’m just picking up a couple things from the store.)

Cashier: “Oh, are you okay?”

Me: “Not really; dealing with insomnia.”

Cashier: “Oh, I HAAAATE that. I barely got any sleep last night myself. Try popping a couple bennies!”

Me: *not thinking straight* “What?”

Cashier: “You know, those sleeping pills! I don’t think I woulda gotten more than, like, seven hours last night.”

Me: “Oh, Benadryl… Yeah, first off those are allergy pills not sleep aids; if you take those to sleep you’re going to mess yourself up in the long run. Secondly, over-the-counter stuff doesn’t help me, and I don’t have it often enough to get a prescription. Third? You got seven hours last night, congrats. I got about three hours Sunday night, two hours Monday, and last night I didn’t even sleep; I was just in a half-conscious haze all night. Now can I just buy my cold cuts and milk and go home? Or would you like to tell me to treat my pneumonia with aspirin?”

(The cashier was stunned and just finished ringing me up. I admit I was a little harsh with her, but given that she was giving me party-girl advice for a clinical condition and I wasn’t thinking straight to begin with, I didn’t feel TOO bad about it!)