This Is A Nightclub Gosh Darn It!

I used to be a security officer at a popular casino/resort in the northeast. I would usually get stuck on a post near the nightclub quite a bit when I worked the evening shift. One Saturday night, I was approached by an older woman. She looked very upset.

Me: “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

Guest: “Someone needs to be out there patrolling that nightclub line!”

The nightclub was located right next to the post I was at, and if I stepped forward just a little, I could get a good view of the line. I immediately went to full alert mode. As it was a Saturday night, the line of people waiting to get into the nightclub was long, and tempers could get frayed. Fights could, and would, break out as a result. I’d seen it happen.

I stepped forward and looked out at the line, expecting to see a brawl going on, but everything seemed perfectly calm. I was baffled.

Me: “Is there a fight going on?”

Guest: *Shouting.* “No! There are people in that line using naughty language!”

My jaw nearly dropped. Surely, she couldn’t be serious, but the look on her face said she was.

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not something we have any control over. It’s not against the rules.”

She gave me one of the dirtiest looks I’d ever seen.

Guest: “Well, it should be!”

Then she stormed off. I watched her go, wondering exactly where she thought she was. I mean, did she misread the big “casino” sign out front as “church”? And even if she was conscious of where she was, what did she expect us to do? Start going up and down the line and treating everyone there like they were in kindergarten? “No, no, no! We don’t use that kind of language, and I’ll put you in timeout if you don’t stop! No nightclub for you if you don’t watch your potty mouth!”