This Flow Chart Needs To Log Out

, , , | Working | September 2, 2019

(It’s been a few years ago now since my bank introduced online banking as a service. After some heavy advertising and pushing on their side, I decide to give it a go. I go online and apply for an online banking account. It all goes smooth and three days later I receive a letter with nearly all the account information. For security reasons, they will send me my password in a separate mail. Two weeks go by without a letter with the password. I call their service desk and ask what is going on.)

Service Desk: “We have made an error and a lot of letters were never sent, and we’re fixing it now.”

(The next day, I get five letters with five different passwords. The following day, I get another three letters with different passwords. I call the service desk again and ask what they are doing.)

Service Desk: “Well, there was a bug in their program and it kept generating passwords. But we are fixing it now.”

(Two days later, I get a letter with a new password and apologies from the bank to all customers for the inconvenience. Thinking that it can’t get any worse from this point on, I go online and try logging in to my bank account. I get a “wrong username or password” message, try it two more times, and get a “too many failed attempts, account locked” message. I call the service desk again.)

Me: “Hello. The password you sent me for online banking was incorrect and now my account is locked.”

Service Desk: “Oh, that can easily be fixed. You just need to log in to your account and reset your password and unlock the account.”

Me: “I can’t access my account so that is not possible.”

Service Desk: “Sir, I know that people have difficulties with computers, but if you log in to your account, I’ll help you to reset your password and unlock your account.”

Me: “Listen to me. The system won’t let me in because the account is locked. And the account is locked because the password you sent me is incorrect for this account.”

Service Desk: “Yes, and that’s why you need to log in to reset the password.”

Me: “Could you work with me? If I’d call you to tell me that I stood outside my house and I lost my key would you give me the advice to open the door, find the spare key, and use that key to open the door?”

Service Desk: “No, that would be silly.”

Me: “So, let’s start again. I can’t get into my account because it’s locked due to an incorrect password you sent me.”

Service Desk: “I understand. The only way to fix this is logging in to your account and… This is stupid. Sorry, sir. I just caught on. Sorry, but this is what our flowchart tells us to say when people report this issue with their account.”

Me: “Is there a way for you to cancel my online banking account?”

Service Desk: “No, sir. And according to my flowchart here, you have to log in to your account to cancel it…” *nervous giggle*

Me: “Okay, thanks. I guess I’m going to have to pay the bank a visit.”

(I did go to my local bank and I did give them my opinion about their new service and why I wanted to cancel it. They cancelled it, but not before first trying to tell me that I could do it myself by logging in.)

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