This Dollar Tree Contains No Forbidden Fruit

I’m on month five into my management position at the tree of dollar. This means I’ve got a pretty good handle on the products and where they are. I’m always happy to help customers when they’re looking for something.

Then there was this lady:

Customer: *Lays her things for me to check out.* “So, I have to know if yins* have this thing.”

Me: *Already starting to scan her things.* Sure thing, what is it?

Customer: “So it’s a little plastic rose on a cylinder… my friend saw it on TikTok, and it can vibrate. You have to have it!”

Me: *Stops scanning to stare at her with a heftily arched brow.* “…we do not sell vibrators. We’re a dollar store.”

Customer: “No! I can’t lose this wager! I made a bet with my girlfriend that yins—”

Me: *Shakes head, bagging her stuff now.* “There’s lots of fake stuff online, especially about our products.”

Customer: “D*** it! Now I have to treat her to the Grand Concourse (Upscale Restaurant)! Are you sure?”

Me: *Deadpan.* “Yes.”

She was SO adamant through the rest of the transaction that she had for sure thought that the DOLLAR STORE would sell vibrators!! While she’s at a loss for losing the bet, I’m at a loss as to her critical thinking skills!

*Yins/Yinz regional second-person plural pronoun used in Western Pennsylvania (particularly in Pittsburgh) to mean “you all” or “you guys”