This Doctor Is In The Wrong Roll

(My husband and I have taken our 3-month-old child to see a pediatrician for his checkup.)

Doctor: “All right, strip him down to his diaper, and lay him on the table there.”

(My husband does as he asks and I take over by placing my hands protectively over his stomach so he won’t move too much.)

Doctor: “You know, it’s not that cold in here.”

Me: “I know but he’s been rolling over for a couple weeks now, and I don’t want him falling off.”

Doctor: “Uh huh. Well, anyways…”

(I remove my hands and the doctor proceeds to pin my son’s head down to check his one of his ears. However, my son takes this as cue to roll over.)

Doctor *shocked* “He rolled over! Did you roll him over? Why did he roll over?!”

(He pokes my son nervously, which just elicits a surprised giggle from him. The doctor immediately snatches his finger back.)

Me: “Well, like I said, he’s a very active baby and he loves rolling over. So, you just gotta watch him and be careful.”

(The doctor gives me a weird look and pins my son’s head down again to check out the other ear. Although he’s on his stomach, my son again takes this as his cue to roll over.)

Doctor: *jerks back* “He rolled over again! Why does he keep doing that?! Can’t you stop him?!” *to my son* “Stop rolling over!”

Me: “Right. Uh, again, I repeat that I have a very active baby. Even in sleep, I cannot get him to stay still unless I physically restrain him. By the way, I wanted you to check out his bottom gums. I know it’s a bit soon, but—”

(I stop in surprise as the doctor immediately pries my son’s mouth open and sticks his finger in his mouth. As with any new thing that goes into a baby’s mouth, my son promptly clamps down.)

Doctor: *screams in pain* “HE BIT ME! Your baby bit me! I thought you said he was only three months old! Why does he have teeth?! He bit me!”

(At this point my husband intervened, picked up our son, and we left. I have never met a pediatrician so inexperienced!)