This Customer Really Fired You Up, Eh?

Years and years ago, I worked retail as a minor. This was the 1980s, so in some non-corporate businesses, you could get away with this. I looked more grown-up than most kids my age, probably because I dressed more adultly than was usual for a dinky little gift shop.

Customer: “You have to give me a discount! I know the owner! He always gives me 50% off of everything!”

Me: “Lady, I really doubt that.”

Customer: “I know the owner! I’ll get you fired if you don’t give me the discount!”

Me: “Oh, would you, please?! Please get me fired.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “He’s a slave driver! He doesn’t even pay me! I want to be fired!”

Customer: “W-what?”

Me: “The owner is my dad. Now get out. He would never give anyone a 50% discount because we’d be losing money.”

She went all red with embarrassment and rushed out without buying anything. I had to put back everything she had brought to the counter, but it was worth it just to yell at someone. I was the only one in the shop that day since I was covering for my dad, so I knew I wouldn’t get in trouble. And it’s true I wasn’t being “paid,” but my parents paid for my college so that I didn’t have any student loans, so I guess that was fair compensation.