This Customer Is No Toil Or Trouble At All

I work in a small independent spice shop. A woman in her sixties walks in, bright-eyed and curious, holding a handwritten list.

Customer: “Hi, dear! I need… let’s see…” *She squints at the list.* “Five teaspoons of turmeric, two tablespoons of paprika, and a dash of something called ‘garum marsala’…?”

Me: “I think you mean garam masala.”

Customer: “Yes! That! I don’t know what it is, but my daughter says it’ll change my life.”

I walk her through the different spices and blends, explaining what goes into garam masala, and the difference between the spices, etc. She listens intently, nodding seriously the whole time.

Customer: “Wonderful. And now… do I add them in order, or alphabetically?”

Me: “Um… in the order of whatever is written in the recipe, usually.”

Customer: “Okay! The recipe just says to add them all at once.”

Me: “Then just do that, then!”

Customer: “But that’s no fun! I want to add them and stir and say things like “eye of newt and toe of frog” and stuff!”

Me: *Actually laughs.* “You go right ahead and ‘hubble bubble’ that recipe, ma’am!”