This Conversation Spins Around Like A Rotary

(There used to be a fabric and sewing notions store in my hometown, but they went out of business. Eight months after they closed, the building was bought and was being renovated into a house. For at least six months the building had sat completely empty and all of the previous business’s signage had been taken down. From the outside of the building, it was obvious that some major work was being done on it. I knew the people who bought the building and I was hired to do some painting. One day, I am painting what is now the living room, and a woman I have never seen before wanders in the front door.)

Woman: “Oh, wow! It sure looks different in here!”

Me: “Um… Can I help you with something?”

Woman: “Yeah, I need a new rotary cutter; do you know where they are at?”

Me: “The store that was here went out of business last year; I’m afraid you’ll have to go somewhere else.”

Woman: “But I just need a rotary cutter. Surely there must be some laying around somewhere.”

Me: “All of the inventory was sold off months ago. This building is currently being turned into someone’s house.”

Woman: “I only want a rotary cutter! [Competitor] is an hour-and-a-half drive away! You can’t expect me to drive there. I’ll pay whatever you want for the rotary cutter, but I need it now!”

(I’m thoroughly irritated and dumbfounded at how this woman can’t understand that this is no longer a business.)

Me: “Ma’am, you are trespassing on private property. If you don’t leave, I will call the police.”

Woman: *long pause* “So, you don’t have any rotary cutters?”

Me: “No!”

(The woman wanders back out the door, muttering to herself, when one of the contractors who was working in the kitchen approaches me.)

Contractor: “Did that woman really think this was still a business?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess so.”

Contractor: “Wow, the stupid was strong with that one!”