This Conversation Is More Painful Than A Shark Bite

A beachgoing couple approaches my lifeguard hut. One of them speaks to me, sounding concerned.

Beachgoer: “I think some pranksters have put up some fake signs along the beach.”

Me: “What signs are those? What do they say?”

Beachgoer: “Honestly, it’s crazy to even say out loud, but something about sharks being in the waters.”

Me: “Those are real signs. We put signs out on the beach to indicate that several sharks have been spotted in the area and swimmers are to be vigilant.”

Beachgoer: “…seriously?”

Me: “Seriously. Florida has a lot of sharks, so please be vigilant when in the water. You should be fine, but it doesn’t hurt to—”

Beachgoer: “Sharks are extinct! Like dinosaurs!”

Me: “Uh… that is definitely not the case. Sharks are very much not extinct, and are common in these waters.”

Beachgoer: “Is this a joke? Sharks died out because the asteroid hit the water all those years ago! I went to a museum and saw a shark skeleton and everything!”

Me: “I can totally believe that you saw a skeleton in a museum, but sharks are still very much a thing.”

Beachgoer: “What complete horse s***. I bet you watched Jaws and thought it was real too?”

Me: “That movie is fiction, but the Great White is a real shark. The movie might have used a larger-than-average example of the species but it’s a real living shark.”

Beachgoer: “You have no business being a lifeguard and saving lives if you don’t know basic information about the ocean!”

The beachgoer starts walking away, complaining to their partner:

Beachgoer: “Ridiculous! What’s he going to say next, that jellyfish are real too?”