This Conversation Is Excruciatus

A customer has been scoffing and tutting in the power tools section for a few minutes, so I decide to go over and offer any help.

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’ve been looking for a drill that’s easy to use. But none of these even have instructions!”

I glance at the product, which has a simple guide on the back.

Me: “This one’s pretty straightforward. You just insert the bit, tighten it, and you’re good to go.”

The customer scowls, still holding the drill.

Customer: “I need something that works without me having to figure it out. I’m not a handyman.”

I give him a polite smile, knowing where this is headed.

Me: “They do all come with guides, but most of them will follow the same format as any drill, you just line it up and push down where you want to drill while pulling the trigger.”

Customer: “That still sounds like a lot of effort.”

Me: “Well, if you want something that works without any effort on your part, I’d suggest hiring a professional.”

They look at me, not catching the hint.

Customer: “I don’t have time for that either. I just want it to work.”

Me: “I’m afraid for it to work, you have to put in a little work too.”

Customer: “Ugh! You’re not being very helpful. Is there a man around who could help me?”

Okay, time to stop being subtle.

Me: “How about this. There’s a store three units down that sells Harry Potter memorabilia. You should go check them out because it’s obvious what you’re after is a magic wand.”

They definitely got THAT hint.