This Christmas, Think Inside The Box

| Right | December 24, 2016

(I am a middle-aged female employee at a fabric and crafts store and am on the floor helping people with finding items and planning crafts. A very tall man in his early thirties comes up to me.)

Man: “I am looking for gift boxes, but I can’t seem to find one large enough.”

Me: “All our holiday gift boxes have been moved to the front. I’ll show you.”

(I take him to the boxes and he begins considering which one to get and isn’t sure any of them will work.)

Me: “What kind of thing are you trying to fit in the box? Maybe I can help you find the right size.”

Man: “Well, I kind of need one with a lid that pops off.”

Me: “But what are you going to put in the box? Do you have it with you? We can check to see if it fits.”

Man: *looks awkward and mumbly* “Yeah… um. Have you heard of the SNL skit by Lonely Island about… um… things in boxes?”

(I understand immediately. I’m older but love funny things and being a general goofball. He’s referring to a song called “D*** in a Box” where the singer cuts a hole in the box and puts his junk in that box then makes his romantic partner open the box.)

Me: “Ah, yes, sir, I have! Hmmm. Have you considered the wine gift boxes?” *these boxes are very long and cylindrical*

Man: *seems somewhat thrown and relieved by my matter-of-factness* “No, I need something that opens at the top. And I need it to be really sturdy and big enough so I can cut into it and it will still hold up. I’m going to thread my belt through it to hold it up. There’s no room for my belt, and, um, in the wine box.”

Me: *I find something more rectangular with a flip open lid, about 6″ tall and 8″ square* “Hmmm, How about this one? It opens, has a magnetic closure and evens says “Rejoice!” in giant letters on the top. ‘See what I’ve got? Rejoice ye who open the box!’”

Man: *laughs* “Yes, I think that’s perfect! But I need a second one for my brother-in-law; we’re going to do a skit for the family this year.”

(I find this odd, but press forward as if I do not. Honestly, it sounds like a quite interesting family.)

Me: *picks up a slightly smaller box in the same design* “How about this one? I assume you want to seem like the bigger man.”

Man: *chortles* “If he asks me why I could say ‘Yeah, I’ve talked to your wife, dude, and you totally need a smaller box.’”

(We both laugh but he ends up getting the same size box as his own to avoid family fights over the holidays over d***-box-size. I still enjoy imagining that family’s Christmas party. “Hey Grandma, I got something to show ya!”)

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