This Call Is Going Down(load)

(My dad is on the phone with a tech company’s customer service, trying to figure out why a critical detail of an order he placed has now changed.)

Dad: “I ordered your software disc, but now your website is saying I have to download it. The software isn’t for me. I need the disc, the physical copy.”

(Pause.)

Dad: “What do you mean, you don’t have it on disc?! I specifically selected, and paid shipping on, an actual physical copy because the person it’s for cannot download it!”

(Pause.)

Dad: “You haven’t traveled much, I can tell. Most of the world doesn’t have the kind of Internet access you’re obviously used to. Is there a manager or supervisor I could speak to? Because you can’t help me.”

(Pause.)

Dad: “Okay, so tell me: where is your store in Antananarivo, Madagascar? There isn’t one, is there? Well, that’s where I do business, and that’s where MY DISC is going once you MAIL IT TO ME.”

(Pause.)

Dad: “Charlotte! That’s an hour and a half from where I live! You want me to waste fifty bucks on gas, just to get something YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAIL TO ME?! That I’ve already paid for! Just transfer me to your supervisor already!

(Pause.)

Dad: “Hello? Hey, hello? They hung up on me!”

(He called the Charlotte store next, explained his problem, and was quickly informed that he could download the software he’d paid for and transfer it via flash drive, much less likely to be damaged in transit than a disc.)