This All Sprouted From Nothing

(The restaurant chain where I work hasn’t been carrying alfalfa sprouts for around 18 months. The customer orders one of our sandwiches which used to come with sprouts by default. About 40 seconds later, she comes up to the counter with it in her hand.)

Lady: “There are no sprouts on this sandwich.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry to inform you that we’re not carrying sprouts anymore.”

Lady: “Well, can you put some sprouts on it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this restaurant isn’t carrying sprouts anymore; we haven’t been for around 18 months. Corporate had a salmonella scare and removed them from the shelves.”

Lady: “Well, can you go in the back and get me some, then?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t have any. At all. We haven’t. For a year and a half.”

Lady: “Well, can you call one of the other stores and have them bring some, since you’re out of stock?”

Me: “No, ma’am. As a chain, the corporation has discontinued alfalfa sprouts. None of the stores in the United States have had sprouts in stock for a year and a half.”

Lady: “I don’t like your attitude. Let me speak to your manager.”

(I go get my manager.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Lady: “This one—” *indicates me* “—won’t give me sprouts for my sandwich.”

Manager: “Well, that would be because we don’t have them anymore.”

Lady: “Well, can you go get some?”

Manager: “No, ma’am. We don’t carry them. We haven’t for a year and a half.”

Lady: *cusses at us, throws her sandwich over the counter* “You just lost my business!”

Manager: “That solves both our problems.”