Third Time’s The Harm

Our hospital is in the South. A couple I can only describe as “trashy” checks in, and she goes to the chairs to wait after a grandiose amount of PDA.

Nurse: “What brings you in tonight?”

Patient: “I got the drip.”

Nurse: “The what?”

Patient: “The drip! You know… the d**k drip.”

The nurse, who is from the north of the country, looks at me helplessly. I make a ‘G’ shape in the air and mouth “Gonorrhea.” The nurse nods and continues listening to the patient.

Patient: “I got a shot for it last time. I just need another shot.”

Nurse: “How many times have you been treated for this?”

Patient: “Three. Can I just get my shot?”

Nurse: “Is the woman with you tonight your girlfriend?”

Patient: “Yep.”

Nurse: “Are you and she sexually active?”

Patient: *Proudly.* “H*** yeah!”

Nurse: “Do you think she should get checked out, too?”

Patient: “Why? She ain’t got no d**k!”