Third Time’s (Not) A Charm

(Our customers log calls in a queue, and we call them back in order of priority. This customer has a very low priority call, but is trying to jump the queue.)

Customer: “We can’t work here. Are you sure there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, this really is a cosmetic issue. It shouldn’t get in the way of your work.”

Customer: “Even if we manage to send chocolate to the office? I’m sure that’ll help.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but of all the agents here, you’ve picked the one that’s allergic to chocolate.”

Customer: “D***. Well, how about a bottle of wine? Is that worth a few spots in the queue?”

Me: “I don’t drink. I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s not your lucky day.”

Customer: “Okay, you’ve driven me to it. I’m batting my eyelashes here! You really should see it. How about lunch next week?”

Me: “That’s three strikes, ma’am… I think my husband would complain if I started dating girls. Sorry, I’m gay.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “You’re not making any of this up, are you?”

Me: “We’ll have someone give you a call back when your call is next in the queue, ma’am. Have a nice day.”