Third Time’s A Charm For A Two-Faced One Track Mind

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Um, yeah, my phone stopped working. I need you guys to fix that for me.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. May I ask what exactly is the problem?”

Caller: “Well, the Internet on my phone quit working a few days ago.”

Me: “Okay, I can definitely help you out with that. I do need your mobile phone number, please…”

(The customer gives me his number, and I discover that his phone is not compatible with the Internet plan on his account. Furthermore, he can not change it because the account is not in his name.)

Me: “…okay, so you understand why we cannot change that, right?”

Caller: “Yeah, I guess so. Thanks anyway, man.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Thank you very much for choosing [Phone Company]. You have a wonderful day, sir.”

(This is where things get interesting. Instead of hanging up, I immediately hear the following…)

Female Voice: “Aw, baby, what’s wrong?”

Caller: “This f****** douchebag won’t fix my god-d*** phone! I’ve had this d***ed thing for three years, never had a problem with it, now this f*** wont help me out!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir? You never actually hung up the phone. Might I suggest we do that now before anything else is said?”

Caller: *brief pause* “…oh, my God! I am so sorry! Oh, my God, sir, please don’t turn off my phone! PLEASE!”

Me: “Not a problem. Just please remember to hang up the phone, okay?”

(I wait for him to hang up a second time, but again, he doesn’t…)

Caller: “I can’t believe that f****** p***k stayed on the phone! What was he trying to do?! A**hole! I mean, can’t he freaking help a guy out?!”

Female Voice: *quietly* “I think you’re on speakerphone…”

Me: “Excuse me, sir? You forgot to hang up again.”

Caller: “S***! GIMME A BREAK!” *click*