Thinks You’re From The Funny Farm

(I attend a university in New York State, and there is a distinct difference at the school between ‘downstate’ students (Albany and south) and ‘upstate’ students, which are from the rest of New York and are often more familiar with agriculture, one of New York State’s largest industries. This conversation occurs between myself, a female ‘upstater’ who grew up around farms but not on them, a male ‘downstater,’ and another female ‘upstater’ who owns and shows cows.)

Downstater: *to upstater* “So, what’s it like living on a farm?”

Upstater: “Well, I always liked it, even though I have to get up early to milk the cows.”

Downstater: “Oh yeah, I’ve heard about that. Don’t you squeeze like this?” *attempts to demonstrate with his fingers*

Upstater: “Well, it’s more like this.” *shows correct form* “But there are multiple ways you can do it. I mostly just use the milker machine though. I just attach it and it milks them for me.”

Downstater: “But doesn’t it hurt the cows?”

Upstater: “No.” *sarcastically* “I mean, I talk to the cows and none of them have ever told me it hurts.”

Downstater: “But, can’t you imagine what it would be like if someone attached one of those things to you?

(Me and the upstater exchange glances.)

Me: “You know those things exist, right? For humans?”

Downstater: *eyes wide* “What?”

Me: “Yep. Breast pumps.”

Upstater: “For when a mother makes too much milk.”

Downstater: *expression of absolute horror* “WHAT?!”

Upstater: *to me* “You know, I was wondering if I wanted to take the conversation there, and then you did. That was fun.”