Thinking Way Outside The Tissue Box

(A woman is filling out a job application outside my office as I work. She knocks on the door with a question, and then pauses.)

Applicant: “Oh, look at your tissue box!”

(I glance at it. It’s a normal tissue box from a multipack, sitting on my desk.)

Me: “Yeah. My allergies are sometimes bad.”

Applicant: “Oh, but it’s perfect! It would match my living room perfectly! Where did you get it?”

Me: “[Grocery Store], a while ago. Looks like they are [Brand]. Do you have any other questions?”

Applicant: “No, no. Oh, I buy [Brand], too, but I never get a beautiful green design like that! It would match my living room so well.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Applicant: “I got an okay taupe color, but it only came in a multipack with a terrible red box. Did you get that recently?”

Me: “A bit ago, I guess.”

Applicant: “Oh, that’s a shame. The patterns are seasonal, you know.”

Me: “I… uh… guess I’ve never noticed… or cared. How about you finish your application?”

Applicant: “I would do anything for a box like that.” *sighs*

(She leans against my door frame for a bit, then goes back to her application and turns it in to the hiring HR manager. I make mention to the HR manager that she seemed off, but the applicant passes the initial interview and is hired. On her second day of training, I’m walking through the store when our trainer pages me.)

Trainer: “Okay. You’re not going to believe this, but one of my trainees was walking down the hall to our room and saw your office door was ajar. Before I could stop her, she ran inside, grabbed your box of tissues, and ran out of the building!”

(The applicant was fired for theft and banned from our property. I hope the mostly-empty box of tissues brought her joy, though!)