Thinking They Can Rule Your Roost(er)

, , , | Right | September 9, 2017

(Where I work, we have just had a new chicken cooker installed in our deli department. As someone’s attempt at humour, when the chickens are cooked, the cooker crows like a rooster. It sounds fairly realistic, but after a few times you do get used to it. This day I answer the phone.)

Me: “Good afternoon, this is [Supermarket], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to speak to someone regarding the live animals you have in your store room.”

(What she’s talking about clicks, and I think this is just a joke call because of the rooster noise. So, I start laughing at her.)

Customer: “I don’t see how it is funny! You are keeping live animals in your back dock. I can clearly hear a rooster crowing behind your deli area!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is just the noise our chicken cooker makes when the cooking cycle is finished. It’s just the maker’s attempt at a joke.”

Customer: “Well, I find it offensive and off-putting, and it makes me not want to shop at your store again.”

Me: “Well, that’s your choice, of course, but it is just a recording. We don’t keep any live animals anywhere in the store.”

(She ranted about the same thing for a few more minutes, until I offered to put her on with the store manager to complain further. She then informed me that if I didn’t change the noise within a week, she wouldn’t shop here ever again. She then hung up on me. To this day, I don’t know if she was just having a lend or was actually serious.)

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  • Nicholas Willey

    Having a lend? What’s that?

    • Joana Hill

      From Urban Dictionary: An Australian term meaning to be lying to a person for one’s own amusement.

      • AussieEevee

        I… don’t think Urban Dictionary is trust worthy.

        I have honestly never heard the term before…

        Having a whinge sounds more likely, but I’ve never heard “having a lend” before.

        • Joana Hill

          Pretty much the same idea in its definition on this site. It’s likely regional. There’s plenty of “American slang” I’d never heard before because slang is mostly dialectical and regional.

          • Anne with an E

            As an over-40 Aussie who knows the phrase “having a lend”, I’d say it’s also a generational thing. There’s a lot of sayings my grandparents used that I recognise but don’t actively use and my kids don’t know at all.

        • Stacy

          You know that dialects exist, right?

          Or do you live in all of Australia?

          • Edward Anderson

            Big deal she’s never heard of one slang word. That’s no reason for you to be so snotty about it!

          • Stacy

            If you want to be that adamant that it’s not a word because you haven’t heard of it then yeah, you get a smartass response.

            Run along.

        • Conall Fallon

          ‘Whinge’ is more of a British thing imo.

          • Anne with an E

            Whinge is a very common word/concept in Australia too.

    • Westrim

      a google search term

  • ShamrockStreak

    Sweetheart, if a novelty chicken cooker is enough to offend you, then I’m afraid I have bad news for you about the real world.

    • Barb

      what about the comment section

    • kaninefat

      Well, it is a bit tasteless, but to make it such an issue ….

  • Anne

    I can see how it could be off-putting to a large number of people. But that woman was still quite unreasonable.

  • Psyche Euridyce

    Excuse me, I’m a big fan of RHU, I speak fluent Angry Customer:

    “I’m never shopping here again!”= “I’m angry about something petty, usually out of your control, and I figure if I threaten to never come back here again, I’ll get you to bend to my whims!”

  • Jackie Fauxe

    It’s actually a recording of a duck named Ferdinand.

    • Lord Retro

      Now all I can think about is Jamie Hyneman going “Quack dam you”

  • EJ Nauls-Poland

    She then informed me that if I didn’t change the noise within a week, she wouldn’t shop here ever again.
    Me: Bye, Felicia.

  • Westrim

    After a few times you get used to it, but how long until it drives you insane and you start crowing every time the microwave finishes?

    • AussieEevee

      oven 🙂 And it’d only go off once an hour at the most, so I assume it wouldn’t drive anyone insane.

  • Zorua

    At first I thought this was some animal rights lady, but thinking about it again, even funnier this lady sounds like she’s offended by the concept of animals being anywhere near her

    • lightice

      I would be offended about actual animals in supermarket back room, since it would compromise the hygiene of the place, but I’m sane enough to understand that they don’t do butchery on the spot for that very reason.

      • Conall Fallon

        Yeah, but if you heard a rooster crowing from back there, you might not be as sure…

  • Astrid Malachewitz

    Seems like someone doesn’t like to be reminded where their food comes from…

    • Will Flynn

      It comes from the grocery store silly, so no animals are hurt in the process.

      • Katrin Schirmer

        no, it magically appears in front of me on the table! duh!

    • Bonnie L

      She would have a problem in one store I’ve been to a few times. Near the milk & eggs you hear chickens & mooing cows. I think it’s cute – I should go to that store more often & tell the manager I like it. I’d like that chicken cooker – I really love hearing my rooster crow. 🙂

      • Cynthia Middleton

        Yep, I’ve heard those. They’re somewhat amusing, and not at all off-putting. She’s one of those special folks that thinks the whole world should bend to her wishes, no matter how stupid they may be.

      • Martin Cohn

        I’m in Southern Leyte, Philippines. The dogs start barking about 2 AM, followed by the neighbors fighting cocks about 4. Trust me, it gets old.

        • Bonnie L

          Which is why I have only 1. One is pleasant, a lot are not. 😉

        • Scooterza

          Are your neighbors gay?

          • Paludal

            the word cock originally meant (and still do mean) rooster.

          • Scooterza

            Thanks! #joke #nevermind

          • Max

            I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be fighting if they were… 😛

    • S123

      Or she found sound annoying (personally, I think I would find it annoying too), and thinks “offensive” means anything that bothers her in any way.

  • Conall Fallon

    ‘having a lend’ Once again, Not Always Right teaches me international slang.

    • AussieEevee

      It’s not any slang that I’ve heard of. I didn’t even realise it was Australia until you said something.

      • Alan Liber

        Maybe it’s regional? In QLD it’s quite common.

        • Nicole Elverd

          Used in Vic as well. Though, it’s older terminology (I grew up very country and mostly heard it from them).

        • Darth Pseudonym

          I’ve never heard it before. I’m not sure what it means, actually — I assume it’s along the lines of ‘playing a prank’.

  • godzillahomer

    And here we have Salazar Slytherin’s ancestor trying to keep the family Basilisk alive

  • Souless night

    That roosters too cocky for its own good

  • Vulpis

    Mmmphs. Mixed feelngs on this one. While I agree that the customer’s *reasons* were a bit goofy…I do agree that that sound would put me off shopping in the vicinity of the deli because it’s annoying. Bad enough that the oven timer at work sounds *exactly* the same as the ‘I’m backing up!’ alert of the store’s motorized chair, and that one’s *not* intentional.

    • Robert Cummings

      I doubt the “rooster” is going off more than a few times an hour, though. You might hear it once during a shopping trip.

      • AussieEevee

        A roast chicken takes about 45 minutes, AFAIK, to cook so I’d say it’d only go off once an hour…

        Assuming they only have one machine, of course.

        • Nicole Elverd

          What store do you work at? Ours take 70 (half load) and 85 for a full load. Mind you, we’ve got the older style ovens (…I think these things are older than me, but the techs keep telling us to never, ever replace them because the new ones are terrible)

    • Cynthia Middleton

      Probably “goes off” much less often than a real rooster crows. They “go off” when the sun comes up, and shut up when it sets.

      • Blake Barrett

        That is most certainly not true. Roosters go off whenever they darn well feel like it!

        • Cynthia Middleton

          Well, OK, the one in my neighborhood never crowed after sunset, though it evermore started long before the sun rose.

  • Nightshade1972

    Modern Marvels did a documentary about supermarkets once. They featured a supermarket where the dairy department had a robotic cow that mooed, the seafood department had the sound of tides hitting the beach, the bakery department had the scent of freshly baked apple pie, etc. The “sensory experience” is part of what makes a shopper want to buy things.

  • Nerdman51

    Does she find air offensive too?

    • Martin Cohn

      If it’s not: free trade, non GMO, ethically sourced air, I’ll bet she does.

  • denim

    Doesn’t matter. Either she has no sense of humor, or she enjoys being offended. Either way, that’s on her.

  • AsaeAmpan

    Ma’am, if you’re offended by a recording you have a mental issue, I suggest you hang up and call a professional to deal with your messed up head.

  • Kitty

    “She ranted about the same thing for a few more minutes,”
    which I didn’t listen to, as I had put the phone onto the counter and proceeded to do my job. I knew she wasn’t saying anything important, anyway.

  • AussieEevee

    Your offended because a device designed to cook chickens makes the sound of a male chicken when its done?

  • Edward Anderson

    It’s nice to know that America isn’t the only country where stupid people get offended over stupid things. Misery loves company and all that. I thought it was just us.

  • Abigail Hermione Irwin

    I can see it being a little unnerving if you don’t know what’s going on, but once it’s explained, it would, IMO, be damn funny. Some people need to get a life.
    And once again … so you won’t ever come back? Well, that’ll certainly cause our profit margin to … do nothing at all.

  • Kevin Conti

    “We don’t keep any live animals anywhere in the store.”

    Not even live lobsters? What do the kiddies look at while mommy’s shopping? 😛

    • TheMjohann

      In this day and age i expect kids to be born with a tablet or a smartphone in hand.

  • Christine Wood

    Maybe she speaks rooster and the sound your timer makes is actually a really offensive swear in bird tongue.

    • jay-lee-beanz

      *chirps aggressively*

      • The Vicar

        *chirping intensifies*

  • Karen

    She’s unreasonable, but imo that “joke” of a buzzer is obnoxious. I blame the cooker manufacturer, and if it were my store & cooker, I’d be on the phone to them the first time I heard it to tell them to change it, NOW, or they can take their infernal contraption back. At the very least, there should have been a choice of sounds from which to select.

  • Denton Young

    “It makes me not want to shop at your store again.”

    “You won’t be missed, ma’am.” *click*

  • DynamiteDan

    I would have agreed to change it…to a duck quacking!

    • Paludal

      why not the Jamie Hyneman soundbite “Quack damn you” from the myth do a duck’s quack echo. (Yes, they do).

  • nellnee

    There is annoying, and then there is offended. I’d find it annoying enough not to go back to that store, even if the chicken was good, because I can’t deal with high-pitched noises like that. Makes my teeth hurt.