They Think They’ve Tabled This Discussion

(It is close to closing hours on Valentine’s Day, in a busy shopping district. A customer and his wife “whistle” at me to get my attention while I’m hurriedly rushing to fulfill other customer requests.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today? Can I help you with anything?”

(The customer flicks her hand in a dismissive motion, seemingly frustrated that I dared to speak to her.)

Customer: “I want this table but without the legs; they are too bulky and ugly.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t sell those two parts separately, but I can show you some tables that do not have that design. They may work better for your preferences.”

Customer: “I just want this table with different legs.”

Me: “Uh… We only have furniture that sells together with both pieces in the same box. We don’t have a way to interchange table legs; that would be up to the manufacturer.”

Customer: “Well, tell the guys who make this to send me different legs.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can not do that. Please, follow me and I will show you some different options you may like.”

(We walk over to our store’s computer system, where I pull up our table options. The customer points at a picture of a table.)

Customer: “I like that one there; I want that one.”

Customer’s Husband: “That one looks MUCH better.”

(They are pointing at a picture of the table they were just looking at.)

Me: “Ma’am, that model is the same model we have on the floor.”

Customer: “I don’t like that one; I want this one here.” *referring to the picture of literally the same table*

Me: “Okay, ma’am; we can do that. If you would, please fill out this form, and we can have it delivered from our warehouse in [State] to your home with a delivery and assembly fee, if you would prefer that.”

Customer: “Okay, do that.”

(I thanked the customers for their patience, told them that their table would arrive sometime in the next couple of weeks, and that we would send them a confirmation email. The customers left after filling out the form with their information and having paid almost twice the amount for the same table, due to shipping and building costs.)