Thievery Requires Classy Caffeination

, , , , , | Related | November 3, 2017

(I am making a cup of tea for myself when Mum yells through the house to make her a cup of coffee, as well. I see there are two options: [Extremely Expensive Brand] and [Extremely Cheap Brand]. Both are open, but the cheap brand is further forward and seems to be more used. In fact, the expensive brand is practically hidden away, as it’s in the tea section of the cupboard, on its side, and behind the tea itself. Since I know Mum adores her expensive brand, I ask, yelling across the house.)

Me: “[Cheap Brand] or [Expensive Brand]?”

Mum: “Oh, just use the [Cheap Brand], because—” *incoherent as the kettle is boiling at that moment*

(I walk through to her.)

Me: “What were you saying? I only heard about using [Cheap Brand]. Also, why do you have two brands open?”

Mum: “Oh, I don’t. [Cheap Brand] jar contains [Expensive Brand].”

Me: “Why?”

Mum: “Because [Expensive Brand] is too big to fit in the coffee cupboard, so I fill the [Cheap Brand] jar with it so I can get it in there.”

Me: “Oh.” *pauses, then adds jokingly* “You know, Mum, you’re supposed to put the cheap stuff in the expensive container, so you seem classier, not make yourself look poorer.”

Mum: “But if someone robbed the place, they’d go, ‘Oh, they drink [Cheap Brand]; they must not have any money, so there’s no point robbing them,’ and then we’d be fine.”

Me: “Why would a burglar be in our coffee cupboard?”

Mum: “Burglars need a cuppa every now and then, too, you know!”

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