Deaf To Reason

(I’m a woman. My wife and I are currently moving house, but the phone company we want to go with has had trouble finding an active line in the new flat. My wife has just hung up on the company which has most recently provided service to the flat. It is a company we’d previously had a lot of issues with. The phone rings; I answer.)

Customer Rep: “Hello, is this Catherine?”

Me: “This is her partner; may I ask who’s calling?”

Customer Rep: “Hello Catherine, we seem to have gotten disconnected. I understand you are wanting to purchase one of our packages today?”

(My wife and I sound very alike on the phone, so I calmly press on.)

Me: “This isn’t Catherine, this is her partner. I’m sorry; we aren’t actually interested in signing up with [company] today. We just want to find out if there’s a way to close the account that’s active in the property we’re moving into.”

Customer Rep: “Alright, Catherine. I would be happy to talk you through our services.”

Me: “Again, this isn’t Catherine. I’m her partner. And we’re not—”

Customer Rep: “Okay Catherine—”

Me: “Listen to me: I am not Catherine. My name is not Catherine. I am Catherine’s partner.”

Customer Rep: “So are you interested in hearing about our packages, Catherine?”

Me: “I am not Catherine. I’m her f****** wife.”

Customer Rep: *momentary silence* “Okay, Catherine.”

Me: “Listen to me. I am Catherine’s partner. We are not interested in signing up with [company]; we just want to get the account in a currently empty flat shut down, which I doubt you can help me with.”

Customer Rep: “So, you aren’t interested in our services today Catherine?”