They’re Really In The Sauce Now

I started becoming an atheist at around ten, and by the time I was in secondary school, I was one fully. I never minded other people who were religious, and I had many religious friends, but I never wanted to be forced into anything.

My secondary school was more religious than my primary, and they had a religious service every Wednesday and made the students go to chapel on certain Sundays. (Before you ask why I went there, it was a really good school and would get me the grades.) The exception was those from a different faith than the Church of England practiced, e.g. the Jewish kid in my year didn’t have to go on Sundays and spent the religious service in the library studying.

I politely asked the school if I could do the same as I did not believe in God. However, the school said I could only be excused if I was from a different faith; no faith didn’t count.

So, having learned from the TV, I became a Pastafarian, celebrated my Lord’s noodly goodness, and presented this to the school. They said it had to be a recognised faith for me to be excused.

So, I did further research. Unfortunately for the school, someone somewhere seemed to have heard something and decided to commission a survey into the religious opinion of the students.

Somewhere in the depths of the school archives, there is a permanent record that this religious school had two Satanists among their ranks (my step-sister joined in). They stopped complaining that I was skipping any kind of religious service after that, and for some reason, they never published the survey online as they had promised.