They’re Not In A Hive Mind On This One

(My husband visits his doctor and is prescribed a new asthma medicine. He takes the first dose before bed and wakes up covered in hives. He ignores them and continues on with his day. By day two, they are bad so he goes to the doctor.)

Doctor: “Allergic reaction. You using new soap or shampoo?”

Husband: “No.”

Doctor: “Laundry detergent.”

Me: “Not only is it the same brand, I’ve been using this bottle for weeks.”

Doctor: “That’s it. Buy a different brand. Take these antihistamines.”

(We leave, get the Rx for the meds, and buy new detergent. I rewash everything of his. The hives continue so he calls the doctor.)

Doctor: “Must be the soap or shampoo. Switch to something else and take this additional antihistamine.”

(We try that but the hives continue. Each morning they are bad and go down as the day goes on. Finally I realize something.)

Me: “You take your new asthma meds at night. I think you are allergic.”

(My husband skips them that night and wakes to no hives. He calls the doctor.)

Doctor: “You can’t be allergic to those meds. No one is allergic to them.”

Husband: “Well, I skipped them last night and I have no hives.”

Doctor: “That just means you stopped using whatever else you are allergic to. You can’t stop your medicine. You need it.”

Husband: “Well, I was fine before I started taking it. I’m fine when I stop taking it. I will try one more dose but if the hives come back, I’m never taking it again.”

(He tries one more dose and wakes up covered in hives. He calls back.)

Doctor: “You MUST take this medicine. It’s the newest and the best. You need it.”

Husband: “I can’t take it. I’m allergic.”

Doctor: “Either take it or find a new doctor.”

Husband: “Okay, new doctor it is.”

(The new doctor’s diagnosis? He’s allergic to the meds.)