They’re Not Buying Time, They’re Stealing It

A few weeks ago I had a table of two enjoying a late evening dinner. We seemed to jive pretty well; they appreciated my menu recommendations, politely asked for anything they needed, and generally seemed really appreciative. After their cocktails, they ordered a shot each and seemed to genuinely offer me one, too.

Me: *Laughing* “Thanks so much! I can’t, but y’all enjoy! Salud!”

They were still enjoying themselves when I had finished all my side work for the night, and it didn’t look like they were going to get up any time soon.

Me: “Hey, guys, it’s been a pleasure serving you, but it’s getting toward the end of my shift. If you don’t mind, I’m going to introduce another server who’ll help you out with the rest of your meal.”

Customers: “No! No, [My Name]! If it’s not you, it’s not the same.”

“All right,” I thought. “Fine. I guess I can stay a little while for their $150+ check.” They had no issues, they seemed to really like me, and it should be worthwhile.

I waited for about forty minutes for them to finish, and I thanked them when they paid on the tablet and left.

I don’t typically like checking my tips, especially when I don’t have to see each one because of the tablets. I just like seeing how much I made at the end of the shift. But against my better judgment, I printed out their post-tip check just to see how much it was worth to stay. No tip.

I ran to double-check the table, which I had bussed myself as soon as they left. No cash.

The motherf***ers begged me to stay their server, wasting my time, so they could completely stiff me.