They’re Gradually Driving You Insane, Part 2

, , , | Right | October 26, 2020

We get a lot of calls from customers who have a light or other indication on their dashboard. Before sending someone out, we try to troubleshoot on the phone to see if it warrants towing the car. This customer, who sounds like she’s in her fifties at least, makes me wonder how she ever got her driver’s license.

Customer: “I have two green arrows on my dashboard. I don’t know what they mean, but I think they have something to do with my headlights.”

Me: “Two green arrows? Do you mean your hazard lights?”

Customer: “I don’t know what they are. They just started burning.”

Me: “And if you push the button for the hazard lights, do they go out?”

Customer: “What button?”

Me: “The red button with a triangle in the middle of your car’s dashboard.”

Customer: “Where?”

Cue me pushing the “mute” button on my phone and asking my colleagues if this is an April Fool’s joke in June.

Me: “In the middle of your dashboard, near your vents and your gear shift.”

Customer: “I don’t have a gear shift; it’s an automatic.”

Me: “Near your right hand, then. A button with a triangle on it, probably red.”

Customer: “What button?”

It took five whole minutes of me alternately explaining what the button looked like, in my most patient and polite voice, followed by pushing the mute button and swearing, until she pushed A button — she still didn’t know which one — and the green arrows went out. I believe the average road user IQ went down a few points that day.

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They’re Gradually Driving You Insane

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