They’re Being Annoying In Concert

(My husband and I are invited to go with a few friends to a local concert venue for a show. We’ve never been there, but we know it is a small, standing room-only venue with elevated “VIP” seating in the very back for people who wanted to pay a little more to have a chair. We’re all standing along one wall that happens to join with the VIP area, and there are three *very* drunk, 40-ish-year-old women sitting behind us.)

Drunk Woman #1: *leans down and asks one of our friends* “Are you having fun?”

Friend: “Yes, thank you!”

Drunk Woman #1: “So are we!”

Drunk Women #2 & #3: “WOO!”

(This goes on periodically throughout the show, which we don’t mind, but then Drunk Woman #3 takes a sudden liking to my husband and me. She actually got my attention by reaching down and using one of her long, fake fingernails to tap the top of my head.)

Me: *jumping* “Holy s***!”

Husband: “What’s wrong?”

Drunk Woman #3: *fingernails still very close to my face* “I just wanted to say you two are such a CUTE couple!”

Me: “Uh… thanks.”

(We try to keep watching the show, but she does this TWO MORE TIMES! I know she was just being happy-drunk-friendly, but I don’t care who you are; if you want someone’s attention don’t dig your fingernail into their scalp. It’s rude and not a place people typically like to be touched. I didn’t want to start an argument with a drunk person, so we just moved down the wall a little bit to get out of her reach. Things were going all right after that, until the finale of the show when Drunk Woman #3 starts screaming at the top of her lungs: “I LOVE YOU [MUSIC ARTIST]!!!” over and over. Thankfully, we’ve already decided to duck out a few minutes early to beat the traffic, so we leave. On the drive home, I see my husband out of the corner of my eye reaching his hand over like he’s going to tap the top of my head.)

Me: “Don’t even think about it!”

Husband: *laughs* “Come on!”

Me: “Do it, and I won’t stop at the taco truck on the way home.”

(He kept his fingernails off my head, and we had excellent tacos before heading home for the night.)