They’re All United On This

(I have a friend who is an exchange student from Canada, and for some reason, hates that citizens of the USA call themselves Americans. She’s said it all, from how it’s basically us calling ourselves superior to others in the Americas, to how we’re calling people like her inferior, to it just being confusing for the whole world. Finally, I decide enough is enough, so one day in class…)

Canadian Friend: “I just don’t get why you call yourselves ‘Americans.’”

Me: “Probably because it’s part of our country’s name?”

Canadian Friend: “But it’s so stupid. Why don’t you guys call yourselves something else?”

(That statement causes some in the classroom to laugh when they hear it.)

Me: “What else are we supposed to call ourselves?”

Canadian Friend: “Statesmen?”

Me: “Not happening.”

Canadian Friend: “Your state names?”

Me: “We did that before the Civil War, and it did not end well.”

Canadian Friend: “Well, how about USAians or United Statians?”

Me: “Once people from other countries start calling themselves Republicans or Unionians, then we’ll consider it.”

Canadian Friend: “Stop that! No other country has their continent name in their country name; you guys are the only ones who do!”

Me: “…So does South Africa not exist in Canada or something?”

(My friend then literally screamed and stormed out of the room. It was quiet for a few seconds, then everyone continued on as if nothing happened. I get that some people might be upset by the name, but trying that in a rural town in Virginia might not work in your favor. Just saying.)